“I Keep Having To Remind Myself To Breathe”
Okay story time.
Me and a buddy of mine, who for all intensive purposes we’ll call GR, decide to take a trip up to Vancity, BC for the weekend. Now my buddy is a middle-aged, white male, pretty laid back and not quite as wild as I am. In my mind I’m planning a weekend of drinking, sex, and whatever else I can get into as is always the case whenever i go up to Vancity. I’m not sure what he had planned but he volunteered to come along so whatever. We get up there, check into a room, get some drinks, food, etc… Now the first night everything was cool. We went to Plush nightclub, partied, met a couple of chicks but none to take back to the room. It was fun but I didn’t get the happy ending that I needed to top off the night. So the second day I call up this chick that I usually fuck with whenever I’m up there. She’s down to hang out so I go pick her up and bring her back to the hotel room. My boy GR is cool playing the 3rd wheel so he leaves us at the hotel so we can have a little privacy. Nothing really went down (sadly she was on the rag) but she did have some greenery to smoke which was cool. (note: 95% of all vancouver residents are potheads). When GR comes back we asks him if he wants to join in the festivities and he’s down. He has like a couple of hits off of a joint then we decide to get something to eat so we check out of the hotel and head to this pizza place down the street. We get there, order our food, and sit down to eat. This is where the fun begins. Now both me and Kat are slightly stoned but GR, now he’s a different story. He’s just sitting there at the table staring off into nowhere. I mean this dude is totally STUCK. So I ask him, “hey man, you alright?” “I’m fine”, he says. Okay. So we eat our food and get ready to leave. I’ve gotta take Kat back to her mom’s house. So we step outside to have a cigarette and GR says to me, “Hey man, how long does this stuff take to wear off?” “Ummm, I dunno, what am I a weedologist? Why what’s wrong?”, I say. Then he says, “Because I’m fuckin stoned and I really don’t appreciate it!!” LOL. Ooookay. So we start to walk towards the car and GR is sweating and we only walked like a couple of blocks. Then he shows me his hands and says, “Look, my hands are shaking man. And I don’t know what’s wrong but I can’t breathe. I have to keep reminding myself to breathe.” Then Kat asks GR has he ever smoked weed before and he says it was a long time ago. So then I assure him that he’s okay. We all smoked the same stuff and he’s just high and it will wear off soon. We get in the car and start driving and the whole way he’s in the back in an upright fetal position. On the way to Kat’s house he’s complaining the whole time.
GR: Hey Man
Pog: Yeah
GR: Have you ever had a heart attack.
Pog: Nah Man, why?
GR: Cause I feel like I just had one
Pog: It’s just the weed man, you’ll be okay. Just give it some time and relax
GR: Hey man. . . You think you can take me to a hospital.
Pog: If I take you to a hospital they are gonna tell you the same thing I just did. And I don’t think it would look too good for two Americans coming into a Canadian hospital looking for treatment for being stoned. Just chill.
GR: I don’t care man. . . I need a hooooooooooospital
Pog: Chill man, we’ll get to Kat’s mom’s house and you can lay down.
So we pull up to her mother’s house and as I’m pulling into her apartment complex GR opens the back door. Now I’m thinkin what the fuck is he doin now and he fuckin throws up out the door with half of it going in my back seat. OMG, I can’t believe this shit. So I find somewhere to park and we get out of the car. GR says he’ll clean up the puke and I say, “Hell Yeah u cleanin it up”. But the good news is now he’s starting to feel better. THANK GOD. So we get to her mom’s house and get some cleaning supplies. GR goes down to clean the car and I’m there with Kat just hangin out. We were supposed to leave that day but Kat wanted me to stay at her place. GR wanted to leave but I wanted to get some ass and she said she felt like she was gonna go off her period probably (uh huh). Oh well, GR, looks like your desires have been over ridden by the desires of my little head. So we go over to Kat’s house where her roommate is and continue drinking and partying (this time with better stuff). GR didn’t even drink anything the rest of the night and just kinda sat there on the couch. I tried to hook him up with her roommate but he wasn’t feeling it. Good news is that I accomplished my goal and finished my night off with a happy ending. The next day we leave to go back to America. Needless to say, I don’t think GR will be having anymore BC bud or bud of any kind anytime soon.
