Hillary Clinton Facts
Here are some interesting, fun facts that I found on Uncyclopedia about our former first lady and 2008 Democratic candidate, Hillary Clinton. Very interesting…
Predictions
Anonymous sourcers predict that she will win the white house, dump the philanderer in ex-chief, then be courted by royalties and principalities from around the world. She will be so busy dating heads of states that the US will enjoy unprecedented favors from her suitors the world over. She will make history not only for being the first divorced female president of the free world, but for lowering the price of oil to $2.50 a barrel when she marries the sensible prince of Saudi Arabia (prince what’s his name)
Love of Satan
Hillary Clinton is in fact the Anti-Christ sent by the Dark Prince to destroy man. Panda bears are her evil minions.
Mz. Clinton is also known for for her ability to cheat death by transferring her soul into a host body. It is believed that it is she who has taught Bill Clinton, Hitler, Karl Marx, Lord Sauron, Stalin, Emperor Palpatine, Dick Cheney, Joan Rivers, Lord Voldemort, Dr. Doom, Dante, Marie Antoinette, Donald Trump, Regis Philbin, satan himself and Hoenheim of Light how to transmute their souls out of their bodies and into different host bodies. Some scholars argue that Hillary’s odds-thrashing survival comes from being so nicely enclosed in the snug confines of media conglomerates, who feed her a strictly regulated diet consisting of DRM and RIAA Burgers.
Clinton’s main logo for her election in ‘08
Hillary’s passion for drinking the blood of babies is matched only by her love of drowning them first.
According to the United Nations, Hillary “God-damn” Clinton is the only person that can be referred to as a Communazi, hence Hillary’s mustache.
She first gained public spotlight in her elementary school years by winning the 15 district wide contest historical forensics investigational writing award, with the controversial speech, My friend Satan: Prince of Darkness, or just misunderstood?
Scandal erupted in 1998 when Hillary “God-damn” Clinton’s personal dog trainer and nutritionist William Jefferson-But-Not-Thomas Clinton took one quick look at Hillary “God-damn” and announced proudly, “That dog won’t hunt.” Neither he nor she knew precisely what that meant. But Roman Senate Procounsel Trent Lott, distracted by the recent troubles in both Capidocia and Gaul, realized the full impact of these words. He immediately announced, “If Strom Thurmond had been elected president in 1948, we wouldn’t be having any of these troubles.” Both William and Hillary realized the game was up, and both of them immediately signed the the Contract with America, leaving Newt Gingrich puzzled but happy.
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